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February 6, 2012
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"I overcame...." Story: 0-CLAM-0

Journal Entry: Mon Feb 6, 2012, 12:25 PM


This is a new journal idea that just came to me when one of our members, 0-CLAM-0 :icon0-clam-0: messaged me she wanted to share her story on how she stopped cutting.

Let's try something new. Let's express how we overcame something. Be it just not hurting yourself for one day, one week, one month, one year. That you didn't let someone else's words get to you. That you overcame the cruelty this world has to offer. It doesn't have to be big, it can be anything because you overcame it.

THE STORIES WILL HAVE TRIGGERS so if you don't want to read it, you don't have to. BUT, they also have hope and something to offer each of you otherwise we won't post them.


So once a month, perhaps every other week, or whenever one of you wants to express yourself, message one of our admins, tell us your story and we'll share it with everyone else. This group has been a bit quiet lately, I am to blame as well, but let's stir things up.

If you have any ideas at all, if you want to say anything at all. Just message us. It may take a day or two to reply, but we'll always reply.


Here's 0-CLAM-0's story in her own words:



It's been about... 11 weeks since I've stopped, but any
cutter would know that that's an achievement.

Story may have triggers...

I started when I was 10, because I thought it was 'cool'.
(Yes. I know that was dumb. Shut up. Seriously.) And then
that got worse when I found out my parents were getting
divorced. My depression that I was suffering from got worse,
and the bullying and moving to PA didn't help. I was very
hateful. I remember some kids telling me that when we
first met I told them to go die. o_o;

When we moved out of my grandparent's house, which we
staying at till my mom could get a job, my cutting habit was
started again. I had stop cutting in my grandparent's house,
because I didn't want to get blood anywhere.

In 7th grade, I had a friend who also was a cutting. She cut
with razors, so she bled more. One night she was talking to
me while cutting over the computer, and I got really scared,
so I called a cutting hotline. I was terrified. The lady asked to
talk to my friend, so I gave her her number and she called my
friend. The lady was very nice and told my friend to talk to the
councilor at school the next day.

So, the next day my friend asked me to come with her. I told the
councilor we both we cutters. He called our parents, and we both
ended up at the same hospital.

My cutting got worse after the hospital stay. I started to use razors.
I was hospital free for six months, but my arm collected many scars.
Then, New Years Eve, 8th grade, I had my first suicide attempt. Well
My mom had come in before I swallowed the pills, but still I was
taken to the hospital. I stayed for 2 weeks. Then in March I went again,
except this time to a different hospital. I stayed 2 weeks there as well.

When I left, I thought I was good, that I could really stop cutting. 2
weeks later I had a unpleasant cyber-bullying incident. I had
started to cut again. I truly thought I'd never stop. I had voices
that I believed would take over and make me cut. It was terrible.
A week before Easter I went into the hospital but my mom signed me
out because I was to go to my dad's which she believed would be
than staying in that shitty hospital.

We moved to Indiana that summer. I wanted out of PA, I didn't think
I could stand living there. I would miss my best friend ,
but I needed out of that place.

My cutting continued till Halloween. For a long time, I had been wanting
to initiate myself in Wicca, and on Halloween night I had a little self-initiating
ceremony in my room. I prayed to my God and Goddess to help me
stop, and well, the only other time I ever cut the week after that. I
don't want to push religion onto anyone, but it helps if you truly believe.
It helped me. I've also been in therapy for most of these years, and I
still am. I know many people like to deny that meds help too, but
I've been on Effexor and Seroquel for a long time and I haven't been
depressed. Cutting, mental illness... it doesn't go away over night.
It takes time and patience. It's worth the waiting though.



adevilsdare and the SelfInjuryAware staff

Add a Comment:
 
:iconkubulu:
Kubulu Feb 20, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I wish I could get over it already >.> 21 years old and I still can't stop. I went about 5 years without cutting, but last fall I just completely snapped and ended up with about half a pint of my own life's essence pooled on my table :/ now i've gotten this sick little like to puncture and rip at an older wound on my arm, and every time the "bad feeling", which I do not talk about to anyone because it's so traumatizing and horrible to me, that's about the only thing I want to do is cut. I figure it's some deep buried, unconscious logic that "this will take away the beauty and make it into ugly and the watching will stop and they'll all go away", but it doesn't, and I know this, but can't seem to get over it.
Reply
:iconkatt315:
katt315 Feb 16, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Amazing story and yes, I believe a thing like this doesn't just go away over night. Poor ~0-CLAM-0 going through so much stress.

Lovely words of encouragement, very good to see something like this shared.
Reply
:iconrena3883:
ive bin cutting a lot lately about twice a day with razors... sometimes at skool i bring my razor just in case evryones worried about me idk wat to do or how to stop since ive bin cutting for 2 yrs
Reply
:iconsleepingdeadgirl:
SleepingDeadGirl Feb 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
do you have anyone in your school (or outside of it) you can talk to? I know it's very scary, but it might help. I've been seeing counselors since I was in high school, it really can help a lot.

If you're under-aged it they CAN tell your parents, that is usually the reason most teens don't go to the school counselor about SI, which is very unfortunate :(

If you need to talk, send me a message, or better yet, email me at dog.gone.good@hotmail.com you can get ahold of me on there easier than on dA these days.

Please stay strong *hugs* There IS help available if you're willing to take the chance on it.
Reply
:iconrena3883:
thanx so much my parents new that i cut a couple times but they think i stopped and i cant tell them cuz they dnt understand my mom thinx im a lunatic and my dad thinx its stupid and unreasonable the conseler almost cot me once but she beleived me wen i tld her my cat did it bcuz at the time the cuts were so much smaller
Reply
:iconadevilsdare:
I'd suggest emailing Shara. She'll have the time to talk to you about it through email and understand a lot more than I could. Perhaps you both could together find someone you could talk to in your community who's closer for you to access?
Reply
:iconadevilsdare:
Pick one of our sponsors, and talk to them. Or if you would like, I can address the group and write a journal asking someone to help you or talk to you. We have many options, what would you like to do today?
Reply
:iconrena3883:
can u write a journal for me plz id rilly appreciate it
Reply
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